Nikki Adebiyi, Founder, Bounce Black

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As the month of February comes to an end, sadly, so has my time in the US (for now).

After the success of the first Bounce Black event in New York City last summer, Rooting For Everybody BLK, I knew I had to do another one. That’s why I made it my mission to be back in the city for US Black History Month. And in classic me fashion, I made it happen too!

Here are some reflections on the amazing time that was had:

The background to Black Love, White Flags

Over the past year, I have been more intentional about doing healing and repair work on my romantic relational wounds. At the same time, I have been privy to online discussions about the state of Black love, the lack thereof, and the dynamics between Black men and women, much of which has been negative.

As I grew in my ability to withstand and navigate conflict in relationships, I grew tired of the combative hot takes and the constant talking at each other rather than to each other.

So, having planned to be in the US for its Black History Month in February, and the month being associated with love and romance, I decided to make my first event of the year one celebrating and holding space for Black love.

And as the title of the event suggests, I wanted to create a safe space for conversation between Black men and women. And together with friends at the Tavern Community, We Met IRL and BLK (the world’s largest Black dating app), on February 7th we made it happen. And what a discussion it was!

Giving Black love its roses

In keeping with the Valentine’s Day theme, the event was held at The Rose NYC, a gorgeous bar based in the Chelsean New York Hotel on 160 W 25th Street. The neon signage and Rose accent walls were soothing and sultry, an aesthetic that provided the perfect backdrop to the intimate conversations that we had.

Shout out to NASDAQ photographer Fabio Garcia for capturing the beauty of the atmosphere in every way! Check out the full photo album here.

Big love also to Simone Hamilton, Founder of Lytical Production Group, an events management firm, for sponsoring the delicious food (for the second time because she’s a real one).

Meet the collaborators

The event was Bounce Black’s second stateside collaboration, brought to life by the Tavern Community, a membership-based social network with access to a network of hybrid restaurant-coworking spaces in New York City. Tavern is led by the wonderful Ben Schwartz, who is the laid-back, reassuring presence to my anxious, perfectionist storm.

Representing Black male and Black female perspectives were the fabulous Maxine Williams and Jonathan Kirkland.

​Maxine Simone Williams is the founder of We Met IRL, a relationship-building organization that hosts diverse, inclusive speed dating events and mixers, fostering meaningful offline connections. Maxine is passionate about community building and storytelling. In her free time, she enjoys gardening, hiking, and exploring ways to uplift underrepresented voices.

​Jonathan Kirkland is the visionary marketing leader driving the growth of BLK, the leading dating and lifestyle app for Black singles. A proud North Carolina A&T graduate (an HBCU) and member of Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, he is an expert community builder. With a career spanning Grindr, Chappy, and Viacom, Jonathan excels at brand strategy, and his accolades include BLK’s award-winning “Vax That Thang Up” campaign.

Now, I have to give myself some props for having sharpened my good vibes detector over the years because moderating a discussion with these two was one of the most fun experiences I’ve ever had!

Maxine made time in the busiest month for We Met IRL to show up and show out with her sweet yet fierce self. Jonathan also joined us in New York all the way from Washington DC, dropped some personal and professional gems, and made us all laugh before heading to the airport to get back. All in one night!

It was the best of people who made the best of times!

Talking about Black love

Knowing how potentially flammable this conversation could be, each guest had a white flag on their seat that they were required to use to demonstrate their commitment to maintaining the safe space we were seeking to provide. Both the panellists (myself included) and the guests had to wave a white flag before they spoke because we love symbolism. It’s the details for me!

The discussion centered around the challenges of building or repairing trust in the digital age, and how their work addresses that. Accordingly, much time was spent exploring the impact of social media on Black love, and how media shapes narratives and perceptions of Black romantic relationships. Perspectives were also shared on emotional healing, vulnerability and breaking generational cycles.

With the white flags in hand, we also discussed practical ways to surrender pride and ego in order to build the healthy connections that stand the test of time, which are pre-requisites to building and maintaining generational wealth and wellbeing.

After the panel, we held a reverse Q&A in which Maxine and Jonathan had the opportunity to ask our guests questions, which was the best part of the night for me because Black people are funny. The anecdotes, the ad libs, the shared experiences, the insightful differences in opinion, the cackles, the side eyes and loud silence… Chef’s kiss. 10/10 would do it again (and plan to – stay tuned).

Black professionals of various backgrounds were present in the room, but our guest in attendance from the Hinge team inadvertently became our fourth panellist because we, the people, had questions (if you know, you know).

The event ended with some networking to an RnB playlist, and optional love letter writing to the community. The Dear Black men and women notes tugged on my heart strings, and reminded me how beautiful we are when we love on each other.

Overall, a Blackity Black time was had. I love us!

Up next

The conversation isn’t over either. BLK just published their new report on the State of Black Singles, which makes for interesting reading, to say the least. Go read it and find out for yourself!

Above all, the night, and every night since, made it abundantly clear that there is so much more to discuss. We merely touched the surface. So, keep an eye out.

Black Love, White Flags just might be coming to a city near you…