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This International Women’s Day, as we embrace the theme Accelerate Action, we must turn our attention to a group of women whose labour is often unseen and unspoken—eldest daughters in Black families.

Whether they are firstborn daughters, only daughters, or those who have taken on caregiving responsibilities, these women carry an immense load that impacts their careers, wellbeing, and overall life trajectory.

The Silent Burden of Eldest Daughters

For many eldest daughters, responsibility starts early. They become second mothers, surrogate parents, and emotional anchors for their families. In Black households, where systemic inequalities often necessitate collective resilience, eldest daughters are frequently tasked with managing younger siblings, supporting parents, and ensuring the household functions smoothly—sometimes at the cost of their own aspirations.

This labour is rarely acknowledged as work, yet it has profound consequences. The pressure to be strong, capable, and self-sacrificing can lead to burnout, emotional exhaustion, and delayed personal goals. Many eldest daughters struggle to prioritize themselves because they are taught that their worth is tied to service.

The Impact on Careers and Wellbeing

The weight of these responsibilities often follows eldest daughters into adulthood, influencing their career decisions, leadership styles, and professional boundaries. Many develop exceptional problem-solving skills, resilience, and emotional intelligence—qualities that make them invaluable in workplaces. However, they may also struggle with overworking, difficulty delegating, and an ingrained sense of duty that can lead to workplace burnout.

Additionally, financial expectations can hinder career progression. Some eldest daughters take on additional jobs or delay pursuing their passions to support their families financially. Others feel immense guilt when prioritizing career growth over family obligations.

The emotional toll is equally significant. Many eldest daughters grapple with anxiety, perfectionism, and the inability to ask for help. The need to constantly hold everything together can make it difficult to develop healthy boundaries, leading to stress-related health issues.

Accelerating Action: How We Can Support Eldest Daughters

Recognizing the labour of eldest daughters and similar caregiver roles is the first step toward equity. On this International Women’s Day, let’s commit to tangible action:

• Acknowledge Their Work: Validate the emotional and physical labor eldest daughters provide. A simple thank you can be powerful.
• Encourage Boundaries: Support their right to say no without guilt. At work, this means encouraging delegation and rejecting toxic strong Black woman stereotypes.
• Provide Career and Mental Health Support: Employers should offer mentorship, leadership training, and mental health resources tailored to women who have carried lifelong responsibility.
• Redistribute Household Responsibilities: Families must recognize and challenge gendered expectations. Responsibility should not default to daughters alone.
• Financial and Emotional Investment: Instead of assuming eldest daughters will always be the caregivers, provide them with the same level of support they offer others.

Resources for Eldest Daughters

If you are an eldest daughter, only daughter, or carer daughter, you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Here are some resources to help you reclaim your time, set boundaries, and prioritize your wellbeing:

📚 Books & Reading Material

• Set Boundaries, Find Peace – Nedra Glover Tawwab (A guide to boundary-setting and breaking free from over-responsibility)
• The Memo – Minda Harts (Career advice specifically for women of color in the workplace)
• Rest Is Resistance – Tricia Hersey (Encouraging Black women to reclaim rest as a form of healing and self-care)

💡 Therapy & Support Networks

• Therapy for Black Girls – A directory of Black therapists and mental health resources
• Eldest Daughter Club – A community specifically for eldest daughters sharing their experiences
• Black Women’s Health Imperative – Resources focused on the health and wellbeing of Black women

🛠 Practical Tools & Career Support

• Bounce Black Information Guides
• Bounce Black Coaching Directory
• Bounce Black Signposted Support Links
• The Nap Ministry

🧘🏾‍♀️ Self-Care & Wellness Apps

• Shine App – A self-care app with meditations and resources designed for Black women
• Exhale App – A mental wellness app specifically for BIWOC (Black, Indigenous, and Women of Color)
• Calm or Headspace – Guided meditation and stress relief for daily mental wellbeing

A Call to Action

Eldest daughters and carer daughters have been holding families, communities, and workplaces together for generations. It’s time we hold them up in return.

This International Women’s Day, let’s move beyond appreciation and take real steps toward redistributing labour, providing support, and ensuring that eldest daughters no longer have to sacrifice their wellbeing for the sake of others.

Who are the eldest daughters or carer daughters in your life? How can you show up for them today?